But come on, surely there still have to be limits.
You can see why they stuck the poster way down in the bottom corner of the window, at least. I trust they'll be giving this a few spins at the disco.
Trust me, in action this is a thing of great and terrible beauty. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I wouldn't really care if videogame graphics never got better than this. They get the job done.
It's PicoPico Fighters, it's four quite extraordinarily intense levels of the most startlingly brutal Cave-style retro shmup onslaught you've ever played, it's a microscopic 1MB big and it's free. Get over 200,000 and we'll talk. Go!
I'm pretty old. I also have a lot of spare time, and those two facts mean I think about stuff a lot. Far too much, in fact, because in my experience the more you understand about the world the less happy you are – Christ knows how Stephen Hawking even gets up in the morning. (Oh, right. Sorry.)
Eventually, unless you're some sort of superbeing, you come to a plateau of experience where nothing much surprises you any more, and every new horror doesn't shock, just wearily reaffirms what you already knew in your heart about the ugliness of the human condition.
Triniti Games are an odd bunch of puppies. Not shy of spending a few bob on talented graphics artists, they always seem to run out of budget somewhere very early in the development process, with the result that they have to hire someone whose last work in the gaming industry was making arcade machines in East Germany in the 1980s to write the actual game.
Desert Slug, which has just gone temporarily free, is a Metal Slug knockoff that's without doubt their prettiest effort yet. But have they figured out how to attach a halfway-decent game in there somewhere as well? To find out, and also just for laughs, let's stack it up against the real iOS Metal Slug (£2.99), which is plenty weird by itself.
Or more worryingly, maybe you did.
ME: Hey, iTunes! Since you're so stupefyingly incapable of handling it properly, could you delete all the music off this iPhone so that I can put it back on from scratch, please?
ITUNES: Sure thing, Stuey! I'll reinstall every one of the 800-odd apps on your iPhone – even though they're all there already – right now!
ME: No, iTunes! The music! Not the apps! I didn't ask you to do anything to the apps! There's nothing wrong with the apps! Just delete the music!
ITUNES: Sorry, Stuey, I'm already busy reinstalling all these hundreds of apps like you asked. Be with you in about 12 hours!
ME: I really, really hate you, iTunes.
You may notice some missing images, backgrounds etc on WoSblog at the moment. This is due to a server issue and should hopefully be fixed shortly, whereupon whatever passes for normal service will be resumed.
Long-time WoSblog viewers will already be aware that I've embraced my gay side when it comes to Eurovision now, thanks to the simple expedient of entering into the spirit and watching it with other people. (If everyone else is even briefly out of the room for some reason I get very twitchy.)
But for those of you still struggling, here are this year's highlights, with the minimum of campness and the maximum of ROCK!
(NB "Maximum" does not necessarily mean "a lot".)
iCut Deluxe (free today) is actually a pretty spiffy little puzzle game.
I'm just not sure their media cuttings are doing them a lot of favours.
… and someone is brought before me accused of cold-bloodedly murdering the developers of PC iTunes, and the prosecution presents high-definition video evidence of them in the act, and they're arrested still carrying the brains-covered axe, and the victims have scrawled the full names, addresses and descriptions of their assailants in their own blood on the carpet with their dying breaths, I'll still find them Not Guilty.
A more cynical man than I has already suggested that in the event of the SNP winning independence for Scotland, the remnant UK's likeliest flag would be a thoughtful blend of those of its three surviving nations: from England the red cross of St George, and from Wales and Northern Ireland the white backdrops. LOL ETC. I think this, though, would be the obvious real solution:
But is it an issue we're actually going to have to address? Is this really the end of the Union? And what do you call the United Kingdom when it's not united any more? Let's gaze into a crystal ball, then realise we don't believe in fortune-telling and just take a rational look at the facts.
Hungry for more election news to devour at the weekend, I managed – after much traipsing, for it's a lot easier to find Irish or French or German or Arabic media here in England than it is Scottish – to track down both of Scotland's most popular Sunday tabloids in one of Bath's more esoteric newsagents.
The letters page of the Sunday Post, I'm strangely moved to report, hasn't changed a bit since I left home over 20 years ago.
WoSblog was surprised to wake up this morning and discover that it's now apparently the 11th most influential gaming blog in the United Kingdom and Ireland, MERCILESSLY CRUSHING UNTO DUST all those useless idiots at Middle East Gamers, Digital Tools and (er) Sketchtasticness.
We have no idea what to make of this information, except that we're heading straight over to Rock Paper Shotgun's house (which is conveniently just along the road) to mock them over the irrelevance of their piddly 1.2m readers.
Start from this premise: all things are possible.
You have an advantage over me, viewers. The chances are that most of you pay very little attention to Scottish politics, so your heads probably aren't spinning like mine still is at the staggering, incomprehensible magnitude of what's just been achieved. But I'll do my best to paint you a picture.
WoSland – now at wosland.podgamer.com
